This was one of those games in which Cheerios played an essential part: in their original form, variations and own-brand imitations. As Ciara raced through to score the opening goal, someone made an enquiry of her dad as to what she had for breakfast. Honey Nut Cheerios. Prior to the game, a mini conference was convened in the bar of the ferry, at which Ciara’s dad was absent. ‘What did you have for breakfast, Evan?’ asked Coach Michael in his booming Scouse tones. ‘Half a milky bar’ replied Evan, at a distinct tangent to the truth. I added that he’d also had Shreddies. ‘With warm milk or cold, Evan?’ asked Coach Peter calmly and with almost a hint of resignation. ‘And did you warm the milk up in the microwave or the pan, Evan?’ added Michael, strongly. Microwave. It transpired that only Thanasie, animated by toast, opted for a non-cereal pathway, with Connor going for straight-down-the-line Cheerios and Jack fuelled by cheerios with a small c, in their Morrison’s format.
Breakfast conversation over, we took to the Amsterdam Arena to engage in yet another North v South battle of mid-Berkshire with Caversham, this time in their ‘Caversham Kites’ manifestation. In the car park, their coach seemed perky. Apparently he had done some scouting on us and was quite confident of a win, if I understood him correctly. I also ventured over the bridge to test the temperature of Caversham Heights, the heartland of their operations. Emerging from a sideroom of The Grosvenor to an almost empty pub, the words of Michael Stipe came through the speakers: ‘Jesus loves me fine, and your words fall flat this time.’
Soon after Ciara’s opener, there was a bit of needle in the crowd. One of their shaven-headed (albeit to ameliorate the effects of baldness) supporters decided to trespass onto the pitch. Their goalkeeper took a goal kick and managed to score an own goal. ‘Just let him take it again ref. it’s a goal kick’ said the villager. I don’t understand how the ref managed to twist the rules so far that he was able to accommodate this statement, but somehow he did. No goal. The game then turned in the Kites’ favour and they hit back with two goals before half-time.
There’s a phrase which is repeated on Gardeners’ Question Time by the likes of Bunny Guinness, Chris Beardshaw and Anne Swithinbank: ‘Plant your earlies late and your lates early.’ I noted it down because I really wanted to shoehorn it into this report somehow. Well, Thanasie made an early run, but he made it late in the sense that it was spontaneous, an unpremeditated decision to break out of defence; it wasn’t practised. Evan put a perfectly weighted ball through to him and he scored: 2-2. Conversely, you can plant the idea of a late run early because late runs are known to be effective and are often rehearsed on the training ground. Another comment was ‘I inherited a tree peony, but I inherited it in the wrong place.’ That’s a difficult one to interpret. A further question related to where to re-pot a flowering gerbera: again, not an idea which particularly works in footballing terms.
Something which does work in footballing terms, however, is Connor Mulvaney. He scored three goals in the second half, one of which was an outstanding left footed shot which curled over the keeper and into the top corner. Evan added a neat finish and although the Kites pulled one back, justice was done in the end. However, I had to be careful not to stress the injustices of the game too strongly to Evan. I had to ensure he knew that our quarrel with Caversham was not ideological or motivated by religious or political differences. The other day, Evan, in a sort of mini role play, said in a lighthearted voice: ‘I’m a Catholic. I’m going to kill the Queen.’ Guess which aspect of history they had been taught earlier this month? How far from sanity do you have to migrate in order to cast Catholics as history’s primary aggressors? Time to ditch this topic, surely.
On the Chiswick Flyover after the game, he said: ‘Will we be anywhere near the houses of parliament? What’s going to happen there?’ I didn’t feel it appropriate to show him my one picture of politicians (Jeremy Corbyn and Gerry Adams out larging it), so just said it was a load of men and women arguing, a bit like on your school council but less civilised. This seemed to placate him, but he did burst into tears twice during Fulham v Preston because ‘the ref’s only being fair to them and not to us’ (true). I’m not really sure how to answer these points, particularly when they seem both true and part of a trend, so can only end with a couple of nods to people with great wisdom, humour and sanity who were in our thoughts today. Chris Doughty was in our thoughts because we chatted with him at the petrol station opposite Loddon Bridge Road- top lad. Jo Trott was in our thoughts because we hope you’re feeling better this weekend and dedicate you the victory!
Wilderspool Causeway 