Coach Peter’s claim to fame is that he scored in AFC Wimbledon’s very first match – such a brave header that he was knocked unconscious as he scored it. Though I wouldn’t quite endorse that level of bravery, the standard pep talk in the car is aimed at trying to help Evan overcome his nerves and apprehensions, particularly if he has to play in goal.
Even world class goalkeepers make mistakes and concede goals, I try to tell him. Neuer, Casillas, De Gea, Cech, Lloris…fallible individuals. Then, on Heart FM, a song by a fellow called Rag ‘n’ Bone Man came on: I’m Only Human so Don’t Blame Me. ‘That’s important for what you were saying’, reflected Evan. ‘You’re only human so accept what you are.’
This seems to have been a theme of the day, with a poorly Iris weighing in too. Two lines from Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Your Own Worst Enemy’ have been stuck in my head for a few days, but Iris doesn’t appreciate them being belted out over her scrambled eggs: ‘There’s a face you know staring back from the shop window. The condition you’re in – now you just can’t get out of this skin.’ I defy anyone not to relate to the sentiment, but Iris didn’t seem to appreciate it, turning to me and raising her finger as if I was on the wrong end of an LBW decision: ‘Stop singing in the world, OK?’
Today we were up against another incarnation of Reeves Rangers, the Wokingham club founded by a man called Terry with a penchant for the hooped brethren from Shepherd’s Bush. Their website explains that ‘Terry’s creativity slipped into overdrive! At the time, Terry was living in Reeves Way in Wokingham and was also a lifelong fan of QPR. Combining the two, he came up with the name Reeves Rangers FC and thus the club was born.‘ Fair play.
As you may know, the prospect of playing and losing against a team modelled on QPR is not a thrilling one for a Fulham fan. QPR fans cherish the notion that they are ‘real’ people: more real than the average football fan. As a result of being real, they make their language and attitude extra salty. They drink their half-time beer with authenticity, before returning genuinely to their seats to watch the second half with honesty before going home in a legit manner, whereas we do so superficially.
Furthermore, their team today – the ‘Hoops’ – contained a classic ‘rubber-inner’, a boy from Evan’s school who would delight in mouthing off about a win.
In a minor blizzard, a very well dressed but perma-crocked Coach Michael addressed me in broad scouse: ‘Can you run the warm-up, Alex. I’ve done me knee. It was ruined anyway. I’ve ‘ad five operations on ih.’ What he also had was a ludicrously big blue and white (BLUE & WHITE!) golfing umbrella. ‘What the hell is that umbrella, Mike?’ It was so outrageous that part way through the second half, the league chairman cottoned on to it, strode across the pitch and ordered an immediate collapse. Quite right too.
The first half began in a welcome state of equilibrium. In fact, having managed to weather the first five seconds (Wokingham & Emmbrook are notoriously catatonic starters of games), we even took the lead after Connor despatched a rebound from close range. Reeves rallied and managed to score from a tight angle from their next attack, then a misplaced pass in midfield led to a well taken second. To round the first half off, a Wokingham defender scored with a glancing header past his own keeper: Evan.
To be fair to Evan, as a human being he prevented two goals prior to this by running out and challenging the attackers in one-on-one situations. The own goal was absolutely unstoppable, sadly.
In the second half Evan was on the pitch and economical in possession, invariably controlling the ball before switching the play or rolling it down the line. Unfortunately, Wokingham were caught out twice in defensive positions, but at 5-1 the game still didn’t feel entirely over. Connor scored a very good goal, cutting in from the left and firing across the goalie before Evan, this time an attacker in a one-on-one, ran through and hit a right foot shot across the keeper and into the far bottom-left corner with great technique. The Hoops also showed some great skill and thwarted our comeback by strong midfield play, adding another goal to make the final score 6-3.
Evan’s comment after the game was ‘I did what I could, dad.’ I was really pleased he’d found some perspective, but he still had to face his friend and nemesis after the game who grinned at him and said ‘We won!’
Well Evan scored and you didn’t, I thought. Why is silence so often described as ‘dignified’? And are you really on the moral high ground or some kind of superior conversational plane if you say nothing in response to gloating? Evan must have read my mind. ‘I scored and you didn’t’, he replied. The little upstart wandered off but they were still friends. ‘Well done for being positive about your own game. It might have been better just to say “well played” and move on, but actually there wasn’t a lot wrong with you saying your bit there. Well done.’ He can be the Archbishop of Canterbury when he’s older, if he likes. Sometimes I think if someone has a little pop at you then it’s good to have a little pop back – just to keep it real.
Wilderspool Causeway 