Wilderspool Causeway

Where’s the most depressing place you’ve visited in the UK? And how do you know it’s the most depressing place? After all, ‘The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.’ That said, if pressed I would opt for Leekes in Melksham. It was brand new but felt dead. The air seemed stagnant and the shop was open plan so you could see all their deeply boring wares at once.

Despite being in the Royal Borough, Holyport is unlikely to qualify in many people’s minds as depressing, I would suggest. Apparently all sorts has happened there. It used to be a stopping off point for pilgrims making their way from Canterbury to St Davids and the green used to be a muddy pasture where drovers could allow their sheep to graze freely. There was also a pub called The Eagle, renamed The Belgian Arms because passing German prisoners of war used to offer up a salute as they passed. Holyport therefore seems to have a history of being for ordinary people rather than just the backwater monarchists you usually expect to find in that area.

The contingent they brought to Ranelagh’s playing fields today, whether they were lost or diverted pilgrims on a mission to the dead end of Larges Lane or touring monks disguised as footballers, were small in number but highly spirited. Evan was in goal for the first quarter, but didn’t touch the ball a single time, spending most of the time standing on the wheels of the goal. He said ‘I could have literally just got my deckchair out for 15 minutes.’ He had certainly unfolded his mental deckchair in full so I’m glad Holyport weren’t able to mount an attack, as who knows what would have happened. Holyport were under siege, but defended stoutly and were only a goal down at the first break. The team-talk at this point emphasised the importance of making thoughtful decisions rather than rushing: survey the space and release the ball – no need for winding, labyrinthine runs with your head lowered to the floor; the ball can move much faster than any individual, so send it into motion. Lower your pulses and calm down: that type of thing.

In the second half, Evan seemed to find his niche in central midfield, playing a series of excellent through balls through to the strikers and chipping in with a goal himself, controlling the ball from a cross and placing it into the corner. There was then a flurry of goals as Bracknell began to exploit the space down the channels, varying their play stylishly with attacks through the middle too. Holyport, to their credit, continued to put in maximum effort throughout – gathering in close proximity to each other like pied wagtails on an urban heat island – but ultimately would have to continue their journey empty handed, and god speed to them as they do so.